Archive for March, 2010

Georgia Was Not On My Mind

Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Tom informed me to tonight that, with my permission, he will be enlistining into the Army to become a sniper. I told him I was fine with it and we would do what we had to do. I swallowed my fear with the thought that is not the first time he has toyed with the idea. Every time he got laid off he looked into going back to the military. I was okay with the it everytime knowing that he would not follow through.

I’m not so sure this time.

Tom is very into his gun. It’s a high powered sniper rifle that he take out for target practice everyy chance he gets. I called it Imaginary Sniperland, jokingly. He comes home with shot up targets, beaming like a preschooler with a new fingerpaint picture, and boast that the shots are less than the size of a quarter in spacing. I suppose that means he’s very good from what the little holes tell me.

If there is a sniper movie, show, website or magazine Tom is on it, trying to learn what he can. I’ve seen Shooter enough times to know it line for line. It was a good movie but now it just makes me twitch. Basically anything gun related makes me twitch. Tom’s a bit obsessive to say the least. Now he’s got it in his head that he can be a sniper. Not just can but will. He won’t take any base but Fort Benning in Georgia.


 Now I’m a little more than nervous. I’m already so far from my home. I have been back since October 2005. I don’t really want to go any further. What’s worse is the small nagging fear that he’ll die on me. I’ve had this for a long time and this just makes it worse. I’m very torn about the whole situation. I know if I tell him no he won’t do it. I’ll feel guilty as HELL though. I’ve got three months to either Mom-up and tell him no or hope he changes his mind.

After the fact——— after a very spirited conversation with my uncle and grandmother on the benefits of joining up and being a military family, Tom has decided against re-enlisting. I should have known that a visit from them and listening to them tell us how great it all is, Tom would change his mind. It only makes sense, right?


Not yet! Too soon!

Posted: Sunday, March 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

I wasn’t ready for this. Amanda never did this and Kieran is just too young.

About a week ago Kieran climbed out of his crib after his nap. Hmmm. I never lowered his crib after I had Perry so I went ahead and did just that. He could still climb in by using the rocking chair but not out. I’m okay with the in, it’s the out I had an issue with. A couple of days go by with no escaping when Kieran has a hissy fit when put a diaper on him. In a moment of mommy sarcasm, I asked him if he wanted to use the potty. That must have been what he wanted. He bolted down the hall and starts banging on the bathroom door. I’m a little shocked but, hey, I’ll play along. I put him on the potty, expecting him to jump right down. Ha! The joke was on me when he sat there, beaming, for a whole 30 minutes. This kid can’t sit long enough to consume a meal but he’ll hang out on the throne until the cows come home. Maybe I should start feeding him the bathroom. Nothing went in the potty but he has made an effort to get there on more than one occasion. Like yesterday, when he took off for the potty, stopped half way, planted his feet, looked down and peed on the carpet.

 He tried. He really did. I’m not very paitient so I don’t sit him on the potty as much as I should. A half hour sitting on the side of the tub while there is so many other things I could be doing like Facebook dishes and reading by myself to the kids. Bad Mommy, No Nookie.

This all brings me to today. I was a little slow to get out of bed this morning. Date night tends to take a lot out of me so I sleep a little harder on sunday mornings. I was woke up around 7:30 to Amanda playing in her room. No big deal. I dragged myself out of bed, turn off Kieran’s monitor ( it was acting up anyway) and went about my morning alone time. 20 minutes and a cup of coffee later I get the kids. I already knew Amanda was out of bed. She’s a big girl in a big girl bed. No big deal. Kieran on the other hand had managed to get out of his though. The crib railing comes up to his chin. How did he do it? I naturally assumed that the rocking chair was his way up and out. I moved it later on right before nap.

Imagine my surprise when I heard him playing in his closet just a couple of minutes after I put him down to sleep.That little booger got out AGAIN! It took me three tries before I could catch him actually swinging his leg up onto the rail and climbing out. He’s a hefty 28 pounds and built for contact sports. I no longer doubt his ability to lift heavy objects, not that I really did before.
Now I’m stuck with a dilemma.  Do I put him in a big boy bed since he is so clearly a big boy or do I let him work on his upper body strength. It is only 17 short years until he starts playing college ball for Syracuse…….
I miss my baby boy already.

At least he didn’t come and get me…yet.


Posted: Tuesday, March 23, 2010 in divide and conquer, food, guilt, hyenas, kitchen, Nom, survival

I must look like somekind of crackhead shoplifter. I’m sitting hunched over the computer praying to not get busted. I’m trying to eat breakfast. In peace. With out sharing. No small task in a house with three little vulchers who refuse to eat anything place in front of them. Put something in my hands, for my consumption and we have a whining, you never feed me, reaching and snatching, eye daggers from all angles free for all.

You will give me your noms and be grateful

It’s not just me. They do it to Tom too. We wait until they go to bed to eat the good stuff. I walk around the house “looking” out the windows with a piece of leftover toast in my hand. Tom eats while they’re entranced by the tv or eats on the couch while they’re eating in the kitchen. I try to feed everyone the same thing at the same time but it doesn’t always work out that way. It is also no guarantee that what you have will not be coveted.
So this morning I had to sneak through our very open plan living/dining/family/play/kitchen with a pancake wrapped sausage on a stick wrapped int a paper towel stuffed in my pocket. The Triple Threat love those things. It’s so much fun to pull off the pancake and pick apart the sausage and chew the bonus inside (aka- the stick). I know that if I’m busted, they descend upon me like a pack of harpies. They’ll follow me, scale whatever furniture necessary, tell me their hungry in various launguages. They inflict guilt like only a child can.

So, in the name of survival, I snarf my food as fast as I can and make it through another meal. Yay! for not passing out from low blood sugar today.

I read a couple of blogs by a former classmate today. Both mentioned his dream of being in law enforcement, that he abandoned that dream and the 130 obstacles that stand in his way back to it.
I would like to say I was inspired but I wasn’t. I felt admiration, awe and respect. I thought about what he had written and I tried to feel inspired. It dawned on me that I never had any dreams or aspirations. Sure, I’ve had fantasies. Who hasn’t? I’m talking about a realistically attainable goal. Something so desired so strongly that virtually no obstacle or task is out of the question.
The first time I remember being asked “what do you what to be when you grow up?” was for the 8th grade yearbook. I had never really thought about it before. My answer was a bit, well, schizophrenic. Lawyer, bartender, politician, writer, tatoo artist and about 20 other things not on paper. I answered just to answer, to be counted. I pulled titles out of the air with no thought to what the words menat
My life was about survival. Making it through one day just to wake up for the next. As far back as middle school, all through high school. right up to this moment. How often I attend and how I applied my self in school was barely enough to get by. Moving out at 19, moving back 4 years later, taking and quitting jobs, moving to Tennessee, cutting ties with family and countless other descisons were all in the name of survival. Hell, I even titled my blog ” trying to survive” more than 5 years ago. Thanks 20/20 vision!
I continue this practice to this day. What I cook, what time I put the kids to bed, where we go, when we go there, how I run my day is often about getting to the finish line.
This is how I live my life. Getting from one day to the next. Through the week to the next paycheck. on to the next year.
Is that really living?

I guess I was inspired after all.

Bikes and blogs

Posted: Thursday, March 18, 2010 in bike, cheez-it, cycling, tricycle

I’m flipping through blogs. Just hitting “next blog” and I noticed a trend. Bikes. They are everywhere! If you got a bike, you need to blog about it. If you have a blog, you need a bike in it. I finally found a blog that wasn’t about bikes or cycling , scrolled down to the second post and BAM! a post about the bloggers stolen bike, pic included.

 So here is my required bike picture.

Okay. So it’s really a tricycle. At least I tried.