Archive for the ‘should have known better’ Category

There are some things in this world that, as a mom, is unavoidable. No matter how much you want to you just can’t get around-

  • whining
  • waiting at the doctors
  • paperwork
  • puke
  • poop

That last one has been very popular around here lately.

It all started last month when Amanda had The Bug. You know the one I’m talking about. Puking, sharting, exhaustion, seemingly endless diarrhea, refusal to eat, all followed up with a nice case of acid reflux.  We call it Icky Belly.

I threw out 4 pairs of underwear last month.  It was that bad.

Now yesterday, I put Perry in her crib for a nap. She protested until she fell asleep. Or so I thought.

I kept smelling poop and since Kieran has recently potty trained himself, I thought he had an accident. That poor boy endured my interrogation for a full 5 minutes.

He’ll make a very patient man someday.

Then I heard Perry.

As I approached the bedroom, the smell became stronger.  When I opened the door I was greeted by a butt neked, grinning she-devil. And poop.

Pooplets to be exact.  Perry had smashed what must have been a dry, little poopie and rubbed it all over her mattress and pushed what was left behind her crib.

Lovely.

Later on, we had a visit from Naana. As usual Kieran hid out with his toys. I thought he was improving because he was actually being quiet about it rather than screaming.

He’ll also grow up to be Anthropophobic .

I have to say that I am not the one who made the discovery. To did when he checked on Kieran.  I found out because Tom is not calm when it comes to body function related emergencys.

To save my own sanity, I stepped in.

I was on the poop hunt again. I had to pick up and inspect every toy in the room. That, of course, was  every toy we owned.  I ended up following a pooplet trail from one side of the room to the other.

At least it was easy to clean up.

Tonight was another story.

Amanda, bless her skinny little heart, refuses to get out of bed by herself.  There is not a good enough reason in this world for her to get up with out permission. She tried once and saw a monster in Mommy and Daddy’s room and never tried again. I also never left my bedroom door open during grown up time again.

Tonight that bit us both in the tush.

Amanda called for me and I couldn’t here her. I’ll blame selective hearing. By the time I responded, it happened. Shit, that is.

This was no pooplet.  It was shit all over the inside of her jammies and down her leg.  It didn’t help that Amanda was having a dancing, whining tizzy while I”m trying to clean her up.

Ugh. I hope this is the last poop event for a while.

And just for the record, we are now down 5 pairs of panties and a pair of pink footie pajamas.

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I get inspired to write all the time. I write the most wonderful posts in my head while I’m driving*, cleaning up or changing a diaper. Some times their so funny I nearly piss my pants. Other times their eye watering, poignant. Either way each one is fan-friggen-tastic.

I can’t wait to get on the computer and pound one out**.  I’m practically salivating at the idea of expressing myself as some one other than Mom, Queen of Time Outs and Sippy Cups.

Then shit hits the fan. Literally in some cases.  One second I’m fantasizing about living up to my potential and then some and the next I’m chasing Kieran around with Perry under my arm, a diaper in my hand, the phone pinned between my shoulder and ear and Amanda chasing me, whining requesting yet another outfit change.

Brilliant thoughts? Vanished.

I’ve taken to writing an idea down when I get one. In fact I have a short list sitting on top of my computer right now.

I have no idea where I was heading with those strikes of lightning. They’ll stay right where they are until I get around to throwing them out. Who knows, maybe I’ll remember what I was thinking some time between now and then. 6 months from now if I’m lucky.

PS- Thanks for the inspiration Amy. Your writer’s block was not for naught***.

PPS- While previewing this post. Flock, my browser crashed. Twice.

*When my truck isn’t being possessed by an evil demon that causes the fuel pump to go catatonic with fear.

**Yeah, that sounded dirty to me too.

***Say it with me now, ” Oooh, fancy word”.

I’ve been dealing with some internal crap lately.  Feeling like a permanent world class fuck-up, having nothing left of me, sundowning at 10am, feeling weighed down emotionally and physically.  I haven’t been able to do much. Just the basics like feeding my kids.

I haven’t even felt like writing. My Father’s day post was written weeks in advance when I was in a better frame of mind. If I had written that post on Sunday, it would have read very differently.

How?

First of all I wasn’t home to write it. I gave Tom what I would have like to have as a gift. A day to himself. I took the kids swimming with my mom and left Tom to do as he pleases. He could putter with his gun, watch hunting shows and nap endlessly.

He did all that except nap. A funny thing happens when the kids and I are out and Tom is left to his own devices. He suddenly has no urge to nap.

I’m not talking about resting for 20 minutes to recharge the batteries. I’m mean must sleep for 2-3 Hours. NOW.

I understand that he works a physically demanding job in 120 degree* heat . That would wear anyone out. But for some odd reason, it’s not nearly tiring when the kids and I aren’t there when he gets home. Hence no nap.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That just screams ” I don’t want to deal with you” to me.

That really doesn’t help my feeling like I’ve made every wrong decision possible. Choices that affect my kids. Like committing myself for life to the wrong person. The person that helped me create those kids.

I with the kids solo for at least 11 hours a day. That’s not including the time he is present but can’t be bothered. At the end of the day I have nothing left. Not even for myself.

I can’t even muster up the drive to take care of myself.

I’ve been wanting to start working out. I’ve told Tom that I need an hour to myself when he gets home. His answer was that he didn’t get time to himself. Um…… yeah you do. You use it to sleep.  His response was no less frustrating than the actual naps.

” So, if I don’t take a nap when I get home, we’ll be even”.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’ve had conversations about how I need to take better care of myself and exercise. Tom even said that I wouldn’t be around to take care of anyone if I didn’t change my lifestyle. He’s right but he’s unwilling to sacrifice an hour a day for me.

A freaking HOUR!

This near-uselessness pops up anytime I need to leave him in-charge of the kids. He always asks if I can do whatever after the kids go to bed or if my mom can watch them.

At this point my mom** spends more time helping me that Tom does.

I can’t keep this up. I’m  not going to keep this up. Today, after Tom gets home and has some lunch, I am taking my hour. Regardless of what he says.

Like my mom’s very wise friend, Kelly C. told me ” You teach people how to treat you”.

School is in session.

*no, I’m not exaggerating. I’m pretty sure it violates workers rights too.

** I love my mom. She’s AWESOME!

UPDATE-  I got my walk. Without an argument. Shocker! I only took a half an hour because I’m REALLY out of shape and didn’t want to kill my self or my drive to get in shape. My current goal is to start couch25k in October.

I don’t know where I saw this first but a couple of blogs that I read had posted 100 things about themselves. All I could think was me too, me too. It took me a few days but I got it done.

Hop on board!
  1.  I told a teacher, in a fit of preteen angst that I would be a published writer. In this case, blogs count.( I told you so Mrs. Salerno).
  2.  I keep blowing bubbles long after my kids have lost interest.
  3. I have to sleep with my feet covered. Tom has to sleep with his feet uncovered. Something I should have thought about before committing to a life with him.
  4. I hate talking on the phone.
  5. I still miss my first car. She had soul. R.I.P Suzzy.
  6. I haven’t started exercising yet. I haven’t figured out the when.
  7. It takes me all week to finish the laundry, sometimes more.
  8. Time management is not my strong suit.
  9. I got a D in Freshman seminar because of that. 
  10. I was also too cocky to do the work.
  11. I dropped out of community college after one semester.
  12. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
  13. I see a lot of me in Amanda.
  14. That scares the crap out of me.
  15. I used to get lost in daydreams at school.
  16. I still get lost in daydreams.
  17. I will write a cheesy romance novel someday.
  18. I will use a pseudonym when I publish that novel.
  19. I’ll make it a series.
  20. It will be the next twilight. with out the vampires and werewolves.
  21. I love cars.
  22. I miss going to the racetrack sometimes.
  23. I hated the track near the end of my time there.
  24. I’ve never lived alone.
  25. That really annoys me about myself.
  26. I am not afraid to die.
  27. I am afraid of what my death will mean for my loved ones.
  28. I hurt when other people hurt.
  29. I am easily influenced by others.
  30. I would never call myself a leader.
  31. I call myself a mom instead.
  32. I never wanted kids.
  33. I can’t imagine my life without them
  34. I don’t want to imagine my life without them.
  35. I own 1 bra
  36. I own 1 pair of jeans
  37. I wouldn’t buy more of either even if I had the money.
  38. Buying new clothes for me is depressing.
  39. I never seem to like what is practical.
  40. I fall in love with the impractical. i.e.- hot pink oxford button down shirt, navy blue pencil skirt w/a slit up the back and navy pumps with hot pink trim.
  41. I would sink in the mud if I set foot outside in heels.
  42. I would never get Amanda out of those heels in the first place.
  43. I love shoes.
  44. I love boots most of all.
  45. my calves are too fat for most boots.
  46. I really need to start some yoga
  47. I want a yoga ball
  48. I won’t buy a yoga ball
  49. I’ll pop said yoga ball
  50. I wonder if there are any industrial strength yoga balls out there?
  51. HeHe…I said “balls”
  52. I’m easily amused.
  53. I have the urge to go wake Tom up.
  54. I make things complicated for my friends. (Sorry Amy)
  55. I’m not going to wake Tom up. He has to be to work at 3 am
  56. Happy, happy overtime! Happy, Happy overtime! 
  57. I tend to break out in song and sometimes dance.
  58. Yes, I am a Gleek and proud of it.
  59. I used to dance and sing in the Sussex NJ A&P late at night/ early morning
  60. I still do a little jig every now and again if I’m feeling froggy
  61. When I’m really feeling my Cheerios, I turn my kitchen floor into a stage and put on concerts for my kids.
  62. There is a lot of audience participation involved.
  63. I get winded too quickly and have to cancel my shows half way through.
  64. I get hounded by the paparazzi to do more.
  65. I sing from the desk chair.
  66. They can’t swarm me if I’m in my chair.
  67. I love to bake.
  68. My favorite thing to bake are pies.
  69.  I use a cook book from the 1930’s for my pie crust recipies
  70. I love old cookbooks
  71. I really don’t like regular cooking
  72. I would use my crock pot everyday if it wasn’t such a bitch to clean
  73. The wind scares me
  74. The wind never scared me until I lived in a trailer.
  75. I’m afraid that it’s going to blow away and break in two
  76. I know my fear is irrational
  77. That doesn’t make me feel any better.
  78. I’m scared of driving over bridges too.
  79. I’m afraid  that I’ll go over the edge, into water below.
  80. I know that’s irrational too
  81. I forgot to pay a speeding ticket once. The transmission blew the day after I got the ticket and I left the ticket in the junked car.
  82. My license was suspended 3 years later.
  83. I didn’t know my license was suspended.
  84. I got pulled over for speeding again 4 years and 3 states later.
  85. I was arrested for driving with a suspended license.
  86. I was never so scared in my life.
  87. My in-laws loaned Tom the money to bail me out of county jail.
  88. We didn’t have the money to bail me out because Tom had bought a new gun the week before.
  89. I made Tom sell that gun when we needed money a year later.
  90. I don’t see the point in owning more than one gun if any.
  91. Tom is a hunter, he sees the point in owning at least one gun.
  92. Tom only has one gun.
  93. I would like it to stay that way.
  94. I think there are better things to invest our money in.
  95. I’ve never been on a family vacation
  96. I’m hoping to pull one off next year
  97. Everyone else seems to go to Outer Banks, NC. I wanna go too.
  98. I refuse to go camping.
  99. I don’t potty without a potty.
  100. I will roast marshmallows in the front yard though.

Thank you for riding Sarah’s train of thought. Please stay seated until the train has come to a complete stop. In case of an emergency ( or any normal day) and the train does stop, tuck and roll.

I was all ready to drag myself to bed. I was even so bold as to think about getting a shower. I had it all planned out in my head, right down to check the front door 3-4 times.

I was foiled again.

Amanda has once again woken up to see Tom’s car gone. I’m not sure what runs through her head but it seems a lot like a mix of heartbreak and panic to me. At least 4 times a week I amforced to go through the same schpeil about how “Daddy goes to work after you go to bed and he will be home in the morning to eat breakfast with. Now try to sleep, the sooner you sleep the sooner Daddy will be home.” Then I have to go through the whole “scarey monsters”,” there’s only good and funny monsters and list every monster on Sesame Street I can think of” set of hoops.

I have to do this a couple times each night it happens

Tonight I got smart(ish). I got Amanda a picture of her and Tom and a toy cell phone and told her to look at the picture and call Daddy on her phone to say I love you.

So far only a couple of whimpers and no more outright wailing. I’m still not feeling real hopeful.

Sometimes a girl just needs her Daddy.

About a week and a half ago, Perry decided it was time to start standing independently. Yes, a week shy of 8 months and the little future mastermind is standing on her own for a few seconds at a time. The Mommy in me kicks into gear and I decide to try to get a picture of it. I totally wanted to show off my kid and her crazy ambition.

I tried from both couches, the desk chair and standing. No such luck, the camera was just too slow. I am not so easily thwarted by inferior technology. I waited and my patience was rewarded. Or so I thought.

Perry crawled off into Kieran’s room while the other two were occupied with their own mayhem in Amanda’s room. I went after her and hit the floor just out of sight.

This is the picture I got as her tushie landed. Though I didn’t realize it right then, the flash was a rookie mistake. But then again so was getting on the floor.

Amanda and Kieran must have noticed something was afoot because the came out to investigate. I held my breathe as they walked past me a few times. I knew then and there what a precarious situation I was in.

I don’t know about any other kids but mine can smell fear. At any moment they could smell it on me and turn. They’ve done it before at different times. I knew this could be one of those times.

I relaxed as they walked back and forth between the bedrooms. A little too relaxed. It must have been the lack of oxygen while I was holding my breathe because I thought it would be a good idea to start taking pictures again.

Suddenly the camera gave me a hard time and I couldn’t get a shot off until

Amanda jumped from behind the corner and screamed and I screamed and the camera went off and I knew I was in for a shit storm. I was pinned between the wall and the door jamb when they swarmed. I did the only thing I could. Brace myself and keep snapping pictures. This is how it went down………………….

The ambush was successful
Kieran ran from the living room armed
You really stepped in it this time Mom

I’m surprised I actually got a decent picture

I was laughing too hard to even realize I had pushed the button
I don’t know where she pulled this move from
Quick conference so I can breathe and they can plot.
Just you wait, mommy

Are you okay ?
She’s good. GO GO GO!!!!
Please don’t let farting be apart of the plan. Kieran has wicked sewer butt.
Amanda trying to blow raspberries on my belly
Kieran trying to give me a kiss and me using the camera as a defense
Bad defense. Kieran was successful

 Actually Kieran not only made contact, he actually licked the side of my face and across my mouth while Amanda blew raspberries on whatever she could make contact with and Perry had a hold of my foot.

I lost it. Literally. I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard and I pissed myself. I didn’t just let a little tinkle out. I full blown lost control of my bladder. I was defeated.

I had to call for help. I yelled out no less than three times before I had to add that I was serious and Tom peeled my captors off of me. And yes he noticed my pants.

I changed, came back and put the kids to bed without any trouble from at all.

I’m beginning to think they set me up.