Archive for the ‘tom’ Category

Team Irony

Posted: Wednesday, July 7, 2010 in conversation, embarassed, imagination, Marines, quiet, tom

Tom and I are sitting on the couch watching some good old brain melting tv. An Eclipse trailer comes on like it has been every five minutes for the past month. I don’t really pay attention. I know I’m going to watch it despite the previous twos suckage. I read the books and thought they were a good fantasy. (more…)

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I’ve been dealing with some internal crap lately.  Feeling like a permanent world class fuck-up, having nothing left of me, sundowning at 10am, feeling weighed down emotionally and physically.  I haven’t been able to do much. Just the basics like feeding my kids.

I haven’t even felt like writing. My Father’s day post was written weeks in advance when I was in a better frame of mind. If I had written that post on Sunday, it would have read very differently.

How?

First of all I wasn’t home to write it. I gave Tom what I would have like to have as a gift. A day to himself. I took the kids swimming with my mom and left Tom to do as he pleases. He could putter with his gun, watch hunting shows and nap endlessly.

He did all that except nap. A funny thing happens when the kids and I are out and Tom is left to his own devices. He suddenly has no urge to nap.

I’m not talking about resting for 20 minutes to recharge the batteries. I’m mean must sleep for 2-3 Hours. NOW.

I understand that he works a physically demanding job in 120 degree* heat . That would wear anyone out. But for some odd reason, it’s not nearly tiring when the kids and I aren’t there when he gets home. Hence no nap.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That just screams ” I don’t want to deal with you” to me.

That really doesn’t help my feeling like I’ve made every wrong decision possible. Choices that affect my kids. Like committing myself for life to the wrong person. The person that helped me create those kids.

I with the kids solo for at least 11 hours a day. That’s not including the time he is present but can’t be bothered. At the end of the day I have nothing left. Not even for myself.

I can’t even muster up the drive to take care of myself.

I’ve been wanting to start working out. I’ve told Tom that I need an hour to myself when he gets home. His answer was that he didn’t get time to himself. Um…… yeah you do. You use it to sleep.  His response was no less frustrating than the actual naps.

” So, if I don’t take a nap when I get home, we’ll be even”.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’ve had conversations about how I need to take better care of myself and exercise. Tom even said that I wouldn’t be around to take care of anyone if I didn’t change my lifestyle. He’s right but he’s unwilling to sacrifice an hour a day for me.

A freaking HOUR!

This near-uselessness pops up anytime I need to leave him in-charge of the kids. He always asks if I can do whatever after the kids go to bed or if my mom can watch them.

At this point my mom** spends more time helping me that Tom does.

I can’t keep this up. I’m  not going to keep this up. Today, after Tom gets home and has some lunch, I am taking my hour. Regardless of what he says.

Like my mom’s very wise friend, Kelly C. told me ” You teach people how to treat you”.

School is in session.

*no, I’m not exaggerating. I’m pretty sure it violates workers rights too.

** I love my mom. She’s AWESOME!

UPDATE-  I got my walk. Without an argument. Shocker! I only took a half an hour because I’m REALLY out of shape and didn’t want to kill my self or my drive to get in shape. My current goal is to start couch25k in October.

This is Tom.

Hi Tom!

Isn’t he cute? I think so. I’m a little biased.
Tom ( in case your wondering) is my husband. Tom has some wonderful qualities like

Showing the kids cool stuff
and

Rawr

Serving our country from 1996-2000
and

He does the dishes, picks up the house, vacuums and does his own laundry.

Tom is a great man. He evolved past the age of 17 long before I met him.
But,
Tom is not without his quirks. Here is the top 4

  • Watching any movie on a continuous loop. No matter how many times he’s seen it before. 
  • Actually expecting the kids to not play with the toys he just picked up. I warn him every time and every time he doesn’t listen. 
  • Wearing a fleece when it’s 80 out.
  • He had a cat that I not so lovingly referred to as his “Real Wife”. Nothing would make him give her up. Not even peeing on our daughters toys. May the cat rest in peace.

Even with these foibles, Tom does little things that makes me giggle a little. Things like

  • Saying “Grill”. As in ” Why are you in my grill about this?”. 
  • Dressing up in full camo to go target practice. I call it going to imaginary sniper-land.
  • Flirting with me while I cook.
And my favorite of all…..
Walking behind me so he can stare at and comment on my ass. He still finds me hot after 5 years AND having a front row seat to the birth of our 3 kids.

I don’t know where I saw this first but a couple of blogs that I read had posted 100 things about themselves. All I could think was me too, me too. It took me a few days but I got it done.

Hop on board!
  1.  I told a teacher, in a fit of preteen angst that I would be a published writer. In this case, blogs count.( I told you so Mrs. Salerno).
  2.  I keep blowing bubbles long after my kids have lost interest.
  3. I have to sleep with my feet covered. Tom has to sleep with his feet uncovered. Something I should have thought about before committing to a life with him.
  4. I hate talking on the phone.
  5. I still miss my first car. She had soul. R.I.P Suzzy.
  6. I haven’t started exercising yet. I haven’t figured out the when.
  7. It takes me all week to finish the laundry, sometimes more.
  8. Time management is not my strong suit.
  9. I got a D in Freshman seminar because of that. 
  10. I was also too cocky to do the work.
  11. I dropped out of community college after one semester.
  12. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
  13. I see a lot of me in Amanda.
  14. That scares the crap out of me.
  15. I used to get lost in daydreams at school.
  16. I still get lost in daydreams.
  17. I will write a cheesy romance novel someday.
  18. I will use a pseudonym when I publish that novel.
  19. I’ll make it a series.
  20. It will be the next twilight. with out the vampires and werewolves.
  21. I love cars.
  22. I miss going to the racetrack sometimes.
  23. I hated the track near the end of my time there.
  24. I’ve never lived alone.
  25. That really annoys me about myself.
  26. I am not afraid to die.
  27. I am afraid of what my death will mean for my loved ones.
  28. I hurt when other people hurt.
  29. I am easily influenced by others.
  30. I would never call myself a leader.
  31. I call myself a mom instead.
  32. I never wanted kids.
  33. I can’t imagine my life without them
  34. I don’t want to imagine my life without them.
  35. I own 1 bra
  36. I own 1 pair of jeans
  37. I wouldn’t buy more of either even if I had the money.
  38. Buying new clothes for me is depressing.
  39. I never seem to like what is practical.
  40. I fall in love with the impractical. i.e.- hot pink oxford button down shirt, navy blue pencil skirt w/a slit up the back and navy pumps with hot pink trim.
  41. I would sink in the mud if I set foot outside in heels.
  42. I would never get Amanda out of those heels in the first place.
  43. I love shoes.
  44. I love boots most of all.
  45. my calves are too fat for most boots.
  46. I really need to start some yoga
  47. I want a yoga ball
  48. I won’t buy a yoga ball
  49. I’ll pop said yoga ball
  50. I wonder if there are any industrial strength yoga balls out there?
  51. HeHe…I said “balls”
  52. I’m easily amused.
  53. I have the urge to go wake Tom up.
  54. I make things complicated for my friends. (Sorry Amy)
  55. I’m not going to wake Tom up. He has to be to work at 3 am
  56. Happy, happy overtime! Happy, Happy overtime! 
  57. I tend to break out in song and sometimes dance.
  58. Yes, I am a Gleek and proud of it.
  59. I used to dance and sing in the Sussex NJ A&P late at night/ early morning
  60. I still do a little jig every now and again if I’m feeling froggy
  61. When I’m really feeling my Cheerios, I turn my kitchen floor into a stage and put on concerts for my kids.
  62. There is a lot of audience participation involved.
  63. I get winded too quickly and have to cancel my shows half way through.
  64. I get hounded by the paparazzi to do more.
  65. I sing from the desk chair.
  66. They can’t swarm me if I’m in my chair.
  67. I love to bake.
  68. My favorite thing to bake are pies.
  69.  I use a cook book from the 1930’s for my pie crust recipies
  70. I love old cookbooks
  71. I really don’t like regular cooking
  72. I would use my crock pot everyday if it wasn’t such a bitch to clean
  73. The wind scares me
  74. The wind never scared me until I lived in a trailer.
  75. I’m afraid that it’s going to blow away and break in two
  76. I know my fear is irrational
  77. That doesn’t make me feel any better.
  78. I’m scared of driving over bridges too.
  79. I’m afraid  that I’ll go over the edge, into water below.
  80. I know that’s irrational too
  81. I forgot to pay a speeding ticket once. The transmission blew the day after I got the ticket and I left the ticket in the junked car.
  82. My license was suspended 3 years later.
  83. I didn’t know my license was suspended.
  84. I got pulled over for speeding again 4 years and 3 states later.
  85. I was arrested for driving with a suspended license.
  86. I was never so scared in my life.
  87. My in-laws loaned Tom the money to bail me out of county jail.
  88. We didn’t have the money to bail me out because Tom had bought a new gun the week before.
  89. I made Tom sell that gun when we needed money a year later.
  90. I don’t see the point in owning more than one gun if any.
  91. Tom is a hunter, he sees the point in owning at least one gun.
  92. Tom only has one gun.
  93. I would like it to stay that way.
  94. I think there are better things to invest our money in.
  95. I’ve never been on a family vacation
  96. I’m hoping to pull one off next year
  97. Everyone else seems to go to Outer Banks, NC. I wanna go too.
  98. I refuse to go camping.
  99. I don’t potty without a potty.
  100. I will roast marshmallows in the front yard though.

Thank you for riding Sarah’s train of thought. Please stay seated until the train has come to a complete stop. In case of an emergency ( or any normal day) and the train does stop, tuck and roll.

You’re Making Me Twitch

Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2010 in bitch on wheels, Grrr, irritating, tom

MaryMac over at Pajamas and Coffee had a post today about 7 things that get under her skin. Since I’m PMSing and everything is irking me, I’m going to join in.

I’m going to leave it to what got to me in the past 24 hours just to keep the list short.

  1. Living in the Brokeness– I can’t tell you how much this drive me nuts. All the things I can’t do and can’t have. The bills I can’t pay. That makes my eye (visibly) twitch.
  2. The Swarm– Every time I sit on the couch or the floor, the kids attack me all at once. They all want to sit in my lap, pull my hair, stick their jam hands in my mouth ( eyes, nose, ears, etc.) The only truly safe places are either standing or in hiding. That makes my arms and legs twitch.
  3. Some one (Tom) reading over my shoulder (Tom) when I’m on the computer(Tom). That makes my back twitch.
  4. Not being able to complete a post-  I have no less than three unfinished posts because I got interupted by kids, chores or #3. That makes my brain twitch.
  5. The Cat- I used to love cats. I haven’t been without a cat since I was 12. Recently though, I’ve had the kind of cat tha has no problem NOT using the litter box. She prefers my fluffy, bright white, towels instead. That makes my hands twitch. ( She’s still a vast improvment over Tom’s now deceased “Wife”. She pissed in the toy box and crapped in the hall.)
  6. Birds- They get in my shed and crap all over the place including my dryer. Just plain gross. That makes my gag reflex twitch.
  7. Trailers, mobil homes, hot/ice boxes, tin can with a fridge– call it what you want. I hate living in one. It’s a POS. That makes my heart twitch.

This stuff doesn’t just annoy me it gets under my skin, crawls into my brain and takes root. What gets to you?

Well, I was really expecting to have an all out snarkfest for you today. I headed out to what was sure to be the Redneck event of the season and I was going to have the pictures to prove it.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised. There was still a great deal of rednecking going on at Tom’s aunt and uncles 25th anniversary party. But it was different than their daughter in-laws version of a wedding reception. The paper towel place cards were noticeably absent. Tom was also much more relaxed than he was at the “wedding” last year.

Since the kids don’t get out much both Kieran and Perry were less than friendly. Kieran wouldn’t even go inside for the first hour. Amanda was overly friendly and I removed her during the ceremony when she  started doing laps around the buffet tables. I was wholly embarrassed.

Did I mention that I get out about as much as the kids? I don’t. I do love it when we go some place with my mother in law Vicki though. She is always more than happy to deal with the kids so I can enjoy myself. I think I need to tell her how awesome she is.

Something must have bit me in the tush because I felt like dancing. The only person I could get to dance with me was Perry. Not that she had much of a choice. Actually we were the only people dancing the majority of the time.

The other two were having a great time with the open juice cooler (Kieran) and all you can eat chocolate covered strawberries (Amanda). Kieran even tried to work the keg while bring cheered on by some inebriated party goers. Tom was never so proud.

Then it happened. Something I swore I never did and would never do.

I sang. In public. WITH A MICROPHONE!

Amanda spotted the microphone and tried to take off the table to bring to me. Then she ran up to me and said “Mama sing?”.
My heart melted and I said yes. How could I say no? She was so sweet and innocent. How was she to know that I was tone deaf? I told the DJ that I would sing along to the music and she was cool with that.

I picked out Gunpowder and Lead. Something I sing at home and know all the words to and I can get into it. At least when there’s not 40+ people staring at me.

I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to pee myself. But I sang with everything I had to my little girl. She actually pushed a chair over and stood on it about an inch from me. It was probably the most beautiful moment I’ve ever had as Amanda’s mom.

The bonus was that no one boo’d or laughed or ran screaming from the room.
The even bigger bonus was the look on Tom’s face when it was over. He was positively beaming.
The biggest bonus of all was making my baby happy and showing her what a confident woman looks like.